D: morning. How are we today?

S: Morning Derrick how are you? Can’t complain

S: Do u want to pay for your papers?

D: Yes please Vivian (puts handbag down)

S: Where were you yesterday?

D: Mother and I had a little day out

S: Ooh, Lovely. That’s six Pounds please Derrick. And these aswell?

D: Errr… Yes. Errrr… 2 pound 50 and 1 pound 50

S: Right that’s ten pounds exactly please derrick

S: Thank you…… Derrick, can I ask your advice on something?

D: Who dear, me dear, advice dear, yes dear

S: It’s a bit… delicate

D: Well you know me dear I’m expression personified

S: It’s Paul, our eldest, well its, well, we think he might be gay

D: O really (looks angered)

S: In your experience, do you think we should ask him or do you think we should wait for him to tell us?

D: What do you mean in my experience?

S: Well, did you tell your mother you were gay or did she know all ready?

D: I beg your pardon?

S: Derrick, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude

D: How very dare you, HOW VERY DARE YOU

D: I’ve been coming in this shop for twenty five years and I’ve never been so insulted

S: Derrick, I’m sorry I’ve just always… assumed

D: Just because a man wears a little bit of foundation, you automatically accuse him of hiding the sausage….. Well I find you impertinent

S: I don’t know what to say

D: Just always assumed!!! HOW VERY DARE YOU!!!!!